Sometimes I wonder if I am the greediest person alive. There are so many things I want. My want is desperate and pleading lately, and it keeps me up at night. I constantly want more than I have, and my want tricks me into thinking I'm stuck and stagnant, when really I know I've come so far.
If I stop wanting, and think about it, I have an enormous passion for how far I've come. I'm almost shocked when I remember the things that happened inside of me over the years. I remember particularly painful times with a new fear that was never present at the time. The fear at finally understanding how close to death I was...all the time. The fear at remembering how many times it could have gone so wrong so finally.
The fear my mother still holds.
And now. Now I'm the full time college student I always wanted to want to be. Every object in my room no longer seems weighted down with bitter dissapointment. The mirror reflects a person with worth, instead of someone to be disgusted with. Yes, the truth is, I've gotten almost everything I ever wanted during those years. The Me then would be sorely jealous of the Me now. So I wish I could stop wanting and wishing, and LIVE in the Me I am in this moment. Haven't enough moments gone by already?